he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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