Welp...herpes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
