My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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