i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
