the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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