She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
