Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
