The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
