Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
