you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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