I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
