oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
