Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
