if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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