Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
