Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
