you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
