I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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