and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
