Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
