Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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