Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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