how can u be prego again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
