They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
