i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
