this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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