Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
