this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
