i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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