I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
