O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
