He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
