I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just found a bag of teeth...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
