party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
