how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
