i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
