All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
