what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
