I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
