I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
