it was like his penis was on wheels.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
