where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
