I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
