She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
