remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
