What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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