She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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