i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
