I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
