Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
